The Double Standard of Male Emotions
We all want men to have emotions until they do
“Man Up.” That’s something that every man has heard at some point in their lives and it has the same meaning no matter the scenario; stop displaying emotion. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be sad. Don’t be overwhelmed by joy. Don’t display what you feel internally.
This is how we we’re taught from an early age. Our fathers and their fathers learned it the same way, so they pass down the teachings. Displaying emotions is “girly” and thus shouldn’t be done.
This leaves men, especially this generation of men, in a predicament; how do I process what I’m feeling when I am told to ignore it?
Men are taught to be independent and solve problems for themselves. This may be why men are so hesitant to seek out help for mental illness or support. According to Psychology Today, men make up 22% of therapy patients. The same article indicates that men won’t set appointments for themselves, they need a spouse, relative, or coworker to give them an ultimatum. Men over 50 are more likely to seek therapy or medication for depression but this is after years of damage has been occurred.
Male vs. Female suicide rates, 1950–2017
But there’s a new push for men to seek the help they need. This may be due to the reported suicide rates. Men commit suicide 3.5x more than women, with white males constituting 70% of all suicides. Men also tend to abuse drugs and alcohol more than women and start at an earlier age.
And so we see men in our popular media displaying more emotion to show young boys that it’s okay to do so. Nick Offerman, famous for his portrayal of Ron Swanson, the epitome of man, has said and wrote in his book that he is the artistic and most emotional one in the family. Shows like Brooklyn 99 have their main male characters plan a wedding while the female characters chase a bad guy, flipping gender norms. The Movember movement is also a way to advocate for men’s mental health.
These changes are occurring and society applauds them until they grow tired of it and it’s no longer worth it.
When Terry Cruise came out and said that he had been sexually assaulted there was a divide in the response. Some people applauded him for the bravery that it took to come forward. Others laughed. How could Terry Cruise, all 6'2", 245 lbs of him, be sexually assaulted? Why wouldn’t he just beat up the person who did that to him? He must not be a man. Wendy Williams was one such person spreading these sentiments to her followers.
After Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith spoke about her “entanglement” people took it upon themselves to make memes and poke fun at Will Smith crying. Will’s face is still used as a reaction meme and people see no problem with that.
One example of memes spread after Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith discussed her entanglement
Johnny Depp spoke up about being abused by Amber Heard. His claims fell on deaf ears, with many taking Amber’s side until audio of their situation was released. Even so, Depp was still asked to resign from his role in the Fantastic Beasts franchise by Warner Bros. At this current time Amber Heard still has her role in Aquaman, another property owned by Warner Bros.
This is an issue that men in our society face. Society tells men it’s okay to express yourself and then tells them “not like that”. People will make fun of you, demean you, ridicule and ostracize you if you express too much.
In issues like sexual assault or domestic abuse men are oft not believed or cast down upon since “a real man wouldn’t let it happen to them.” In these cases men feel it’s better to stay silent.
The double standard for men’s emotion can be a source of confusion and even more emotional distress for men. Should they seek the therapy that they’re being society tells them they should and risk being laughed at for it?
We need to see men’s mental and emotional health in the same way we see women’s. By doing so the next generation of men will the strongest one yet, with the ability to communicate and understand their own issues and those of the surrounding people and seek emotional support when needed.
When society tells men that it’s okay to have emotions they have to mean it.
